Freudian Chandeliers and Light Fixtures - Is It Just Me Or Is This A Little Creepy?

Call me crazy (it wouldn't be the first time), but something is just not right with these pictures. Not just the pictures, but this style of chandelier, in general. More than 125 years after the invention of the electric light, we are still installing chandeliers with candles. Candles? On an electric light fixture? That seems absolutely ridiculous. Even more ridiculous is the fact that I have two of these hideous things in my house. As soon as I can afford it (or don't have something more pressing to spend money on) I am going to replace them. Would we build a suspension bridge out of wood? Do we design cars with a set of reins? Why on earth, in the 21st century are we putting fake candles on electric light fixtures.

Speaking of replacing light fixtures........
I had a fixture in my kitchen that was even more gruesome than the fake candle conundrum. It hung just low enough over my kitchen table that anyone who stood 5'6" or taller bumped their head on it or damaged their vision after staring into it too long. It looked a lot like this:

I know! It's a wagon wheel! The only explanation I can think of is that they took some really scary drugs back in the seventies when this house was built.



I thought - simple, no problem, I will just go down to the home improvement box mart and buy a fixture to replace it. No candles, just something simple. Imagine my horror when, at Home Despot I saw row after row, aisle after aisle of these:


Are you starting to see the problem? Here's a hint, the third fixture is from the "Melon Collection".......... Still not clicking?? They're BREASTS!! Don't you see it?? Breasts!!! Hanging from the ceiling!!! I am trapped in a nightmare of inappropriate lighting options. This is the world I live in. It's is right there in front of us all the time. This is what happens when synapses start firing late at night. I, too, would be oblivious if it weren't for these momentary flashes of reason. What does it all mean? Is it a Freudian nightmare? Is it all phallic candles and breast-like pendulum fixtures? Is it a sign of the end times? I will let you know, as soon as I have it all figured out!